creepypastafandomcom-20200222-history
User talk:Masked Cat
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the A Letter in the Mail page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 21:28, April 7, 2016 (UTC) Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the A Letter in the Mail page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 21:29, April 7, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:33, April 7, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Starting with the basics, please use Source Mode when posting a story as these were present on the lines and can result in formatting issues or even render the text the same color as the background: " To: Brandon From: Chain Letter " While this doesn't result in a deletion, it does make editing easier. The main issues were with the punctuation, capitalization, wording, and mainly the generic nature of the story. Mechanical issues: "I’m gonna go check it out.(,)” He (he) whispered", Remember if you are continuing a sentence through quotations, it should be left uncapitalized (unless it's a proper noun). Redundancy/restating: " His eyes went wide as he stared at me. ... His eyes doubled in size as his body started twitching." Awkward wording: "Brandon turned his head towards me, grabbing my shoulder rapidly (tightly? As grabbing implies as continuous motion grabbing should either be "grabbed" or rapidly should be changed out with another word.) and pointed a finger at something passed (past, as you're using it to denote a location and not a verb like "it passed me" but rather that that something was "past him") me." I would also recommend cutting back on the ellipses. You use them about 7+ times in a story that is about a page long. Story issues: Starting with the essentials, the story really needs a lot more description to drive the horror across. As most of the horror happens off text (Brandon ran off and disappeared), you really need to build on the terror that person is experiencing more than wide eyes, sweating, and running off to make the story more involving. As it stands, the ending comes off as anti-climactic due to a real lack of build-up in Brandon's experience. Story issues cont.: The premise has been covered quite a lot. Off the top of my head, The Chain Mail, Her Name, Chain Letters, and one that was deleted off this wiki for being pretty formulaic ("friend receives mysterious letter, dies, protagonist receives another letter, dies") and commonplace. While yours semi-avoids the send this to ten people cliche ("A “send this to ten people or die” kind of thing."), it still comes off as formulaic due to the plot progression. I would suggest using the writer's workshop with your next story to get feedback before submitting to the site. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:22, April 9, 2016 (UTC)